Establishing Trust

Establishing Trust: The Basis of Dating and Relationships

You often hear the phrase; “we’re building a relationship” or “I want to build a relationship.” Generally, these two phrases reflect that you are in a relationship and where you would like it to go. In either instance, you are committing to a longer term future that is rewarding. However, this is easier to say then achieve. There are a few important elements to figure out with each element requiring a commitment from both people in the relationship. The process is a two way street so you need to be ready for some work, and most importantly, follow through.

Be Honest With Yourself First

Before you begin to expect your partner to trust what you say and do take a look at your own track record. Be honest with yourself. There is no point in lying to yourself if you are expecting somebody to be trustworthy with you. Generally, what you are doing is making a yardstick for your expectations. Don’t set your expectations higher then what you have set for yourself or you will be falling a lot farther when those expectations are not met.

Do What You Say You Will Do

This is just a simpler way of saying communicate with one another. If you say that you will do something, do it. Don’t make a task or commitment that you are about to undertake sound like more then it is. Make the commitment easy to understand. It is often heard; that is not what you said, when in reality it is exactly what was said. The translation between male and female was just not quite there. Make your commitment simple and to the point.

Don’t Keep Score

As the two of you begin to communicate and follow through on the commitments you make, a certain trust will begin to develop. You may not be able to follow through on every commitment. This is just life in action so do not worry about it. But, the big thing is not keeping track of individual instances of your partner not following through. Mental scorekeeping will just build animosity. You will ultimately have a fairly good idea if a trend is forming, but don’t keep a pad and then pull it out. You’ll only do more harm than good.

A Solid Trusting Relationship Takes Time

Trust in another person is not one of those things that you can expect overnight. Trust is a slow building process. In the beginning, you may be putting three pennies in and taking one out. You are still trying to get to know your partners boundaries so don’t expect to meet every expectation right out of the box. Remember that a long term relationship is just that, long term.

Do Not Be Inflexible

Don’t be the one to cast the first stone. You are no more perfect then your partner. If your partners’ trend line of getting what they say they will do done becomes chronically negative you may have some thinking to do. But remember to compare their record to yours over time. Above all else, however, before you do react to chronic conditions remember to communicate it first so you can work to solve your issues.